And then?
by Brandywine421
Summary: Adult subject matter, drug use, language, etc. Follows up the summer finale and follows the O.C. kids from Tijuana back to Newport.
1. 1

****

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the O.C. 

AN: Starts immediately after the last episode in Mexico.

Ryan hadn't spoken since the Cohens and the Coopers had arrived at the hospital. After finding Marissa unconscious and unresponsive in the alley, the three teenagers had rushed her to the hospital and called their homes. Summer had cried for the first hour that they waited, not letting Seth or Ryan comfort her and demanding to see Marissa. Finally, she allowed Seth to take her for a walk down the street from the hospital and she had been calm since. They waited alone for several hours until the 'adults' arrived. Kirsten had embraced Seth but glared at Ryan after he did not rush to their side. Ryan is still in a state of shock.

He's standing outside the hospital smoking a cigarette that he found in Marissa's purse. Slowly, he leans against the wall and slumps to a sitting position. 

"Hey," Summer surprises him. She sits down beside him on the cement.

"Hey," Ryan responds. 

Summer is quiet. After a beat, Ryan puts his arm around her. She is shaking. 

"She's a strong girl…" Ryan sighs. "She'll make it through…"

"It's my fault…they were my mom's painkillers…if she wouldn't have found them…" Summer whispers, stricken.

"Summer. This was Marissa's decision. It's not your fault, there was nothing you could do. This is not your fault…" Ryan says, rubbing her back. 

Summer plucks his cigarette from his fingers and inhales deeply. "Thanks."

"No problem. Marissa's going to need her friends to be strong for her, she wouldn't want you blaming yourself," Ryan adds.

"You don't say much but you make sense when you do," She says, tilting her head as she looks at him. He takes his cigarette back.

Summer watches him, quietly, noting that he is shaking. "Are you okay, Ryan?"

"Yeah…" He answers immediately.

"We're friends now, right?"

Ryan nods.

"Are you okay?"

Ryan lowers his voice to a whisper. "My mom tried to kill herself once. The same way Marissa did tonight. Her lips were blue and she wasn't breathing…" Summer nods slowly. "It scared the hell out of me. Just like tonight. I…" He shakes his head. "It's like a bad dream."

"I just don't understand what she was thinking," Summer says, her eyes filling with tears again.

"She's scared. Everything she's ever had faith in is going away. Her family, her boyfriend, all the things that are familiar to her are changing…" Ryan sighs. 

"But damn, Ryan, didn't your mother abandon you? Shit gets bad, but it always gets better…" Summer replies.

"It usually gets worse before it gets better. You have to be able to hit rock bottom before you can get back up. I don't know what I would have done if the Cohens hadn't taken me in…" Ryan shudders. "We just have to focus on Marissa…"

"Hey," Seth says, walking outside. He sits down on the sidewalk beside Summer. 

"Any news?" Summer asks, giving him a weak smile.

"She's stable. They pumped her stomach and they're watching her. She's still unconscious. Her mom's with her. Her mom refuses to let her dad see her. They're arguing in there so I came to find you guys," Seth explains.

"Marissa adores her dad. She would want to know that he's here. There's no telling what Julie will say to her when she wakes up," Summer admits.

"Man, you okay?" Seth asks, leaning forward to get a closer look at Ryan.

"Yeah. I'm okay," Ryan replies.

"I'm learning how to speak 'Ryan'. That means, no, he's shaken up but he's too damn stubborn to say anything," Summer snorts.

"I said I'm okay. That means I'm okay," Ryan states, quietly. "I'm worried about Marissa."

"Yeah," Seth nods. Ryan lights a fresh cigarette and the three worried teenagers sit in silence.

They hear raised voices and glance over to the door and see Jimmy, Julie, Sandy and Kirsten walk out. Kirsten and Sandy are trying to calm Julie who is screaming at Jimmy.

"This is your fault! You did this to my baby!" Julie yells.

"My fault? You agreed that I should move out while she was in Mexico!" Jimmy retorts, angrily.

They continue arguing. 

Ryan, Seth and Summer watch in silence. The adults don't notice their presence. 

"Come on," Ryan says suddenly, standing up. He leads Summer and Seth back into the hospital. Several nurses as well as security are at the nurses' station outside Marissa's room.

"Hang on a second, guys…" Ryan walks away from Seth and Summer for a moment and starts talking to the nurses. He raises his voice from a whisper for only a second. "Do you really think she should wake up right now all alone?" 

Seth glances at Summer, curious.

A few minutes later, Ryan returns. "Let's go. They'll let us sit with her."

"How'd you manage that?" Summer whispers.

"Security had to make her parents go outside because they were arguing. I told them that I didn't think she should wake up alone…she shouldn't have to hear her parents fighting like that right now, either," Ryan adds. They tiptoe into Marissa's room.

She looks better than the last time they saw her, limp and unresponsive in Ryan's arms. There is more color in her skin and she has an I.V. in her hand. She looks peaceful.

Ryan lets Summer sit beside the bed. Summer takes Marissa's unhindered hand and lays her head against it. Seth sits down in the other available chair and Ryan stands, his eyes glued on Marissa's still form.

"She's going to be okay," Ryan says, walking over and putting a hand on Summer's back.

"I can't believe her parents can't pull it together and be with her…" Seth murmurs.

"Marissa…please wake up…" Summer says, quietly. "Please."

Surprising them all, Marissa opens her eyes and looks over at her. "Summer?" She murmurs.

"Coop, thank god…you scared the shit out of me…" Summer says, relieved. She smiles widely.

"What…oh god…" Marissa blinks sleep out of her eyes before realization dawns on her face. 

"You're in the hospital, Coop…" Summer says, sensing that she is about to panic.

"Oh god…" She sits up and starts to panic. Ryan goes to her side. 

"Hey. Everything's okay, Marissa…" He says. She immediately clings to him, starting to cry. "Don't cry, it's not good for your complexion, or that's what Summer tells me…" He says.

Marissa laughs quietly through her sobs, still clinging to him. 

"Shh…you need to relax, Marissa, everything's okay…look at me…you're alright, okay?" Ryan pulls away so he can look at her. She nods and he hugs her tightly against him again.

"Where am I?" She asks, tears still flowing down her face but more composed.

"A hospital right across the border. Your parents are here…"

"My parents?"

"You almost died, Marissa," Seth says, quietly. 

"Do you want me to get them?" Summer asks.

"No! I don't want to see them…" Marissa protests. "They'll be so upset with me…"

"Marissa, nobody's upset with you, just worried. Okay? At least let them know you're okay…" Ryan says, his voice soothing.

She shakes her head. "No…"  
"Marissa, please. They're worried sick," Summer urges.

She sighs. "Will you stay with me?" She meets Ryan's gaze, desperately.

"Whatever you need," Ryan replies. 

"We'll get your parents," Seth says, leading Summer out of the room. They don't see the Coopers in the waiting area and follow the sound of yelling outside to the parking lot where they last saw the adults.

Jimmy and Julie are still yelling at each other while Sandy and Kirsten stand a few feet away, their faces drawn with worry. Kirsten visibly relaxes when she spots Seth.

"Hey. Do you think you guys can take a minute and act like grown ups?" Seth says, stopping the Coopers' argument cold. "Your daughter is in there, dying and you guys are too caught up in your own drama to care."

Summer joins in, ignoring the flushed, embarrassed looks on their faces. "You should both be ashamed. You left her alone in there and now you have to explain why you weren't concerned enough to be there when she woke up."

"She's awake?" Jimmy demands.

"Yeah, she's awake and if either one of you upset her, you'll answer to me," Summer replies, quickly.

"They're right, guys. Go see your daughter," Kirsten urges. 

Summer leads Julie and Jimmy back into the hospital and Seth joins his parents.

"Where's Ryan?" Sandy questions.

"He's with Marissa. She didn't want him to leave her," Seth explains.

"He looked a little shaken," Kirsten says.

"I think we're all a little shaken. Marissa was half-dead in an alley in Tijuana," Seth responds.

"What happened, Seth? How'd this happen?" Sandy asks.

"We knew she was upset…her dad called her and told her that he was getting divorced. Then at the club, she caught Luke with Holly," Seth sighs.

"Poor girl…" Kirsten replies.

"She ran out on Summer and we went looking for her. We found her unconscious and called you guys as soon as we got here."

"At least you were here to take care of her," Kirsten says.

"Summer and I, we didn't know what to do. Ryan carried her and kept watch over her until we got her here," Seth explains.

"Let's go inside," Sandy says.

Julie and Jimmy are comforting Marissa without arguing. She is gripping Ryan's hand desperately.

"Marissa, I'm going to give you a minute with your parents…" He whispers.

She starts to protest but glances at her father and nods.

"I'll be right outside," Ryan promises. He releases her hand and steps outside, letting Jimmy take her hand.

Outside the room, he leans against the wall, deflated. Summer and Seth spot him from across the hall in the waiting room.

Ryan slides to the floor, covering his face with his hands.

"Ry?" Seth puts a hand on his shoulder.

He doesn't raise his head. "It's so hard to look at her and hide how fucking scare I am…she almost died…"

"But she didn't," Summer says quietly.

"But she wanted to. That's what scares me…" Ryan whispers. 

"Everything okay?" Kirsten approaches, seeing them gathered.

Ryan stands up quickly, the emotion on his face vanishing, but not before she spots it. 

"Ryan?" She embraces him.

"Hey," He replies, returning her hug stiffly.

"Why don't we go for a walk? Get something to eat?" Kirsten urges. "You all must be exhausted."

"I don't want to go too far in case the Coopers start yelling again," Ryan replies.

"Yeah, no thanks, I'm fine here, too, Mrs. Cohen," Summer adds.

Seth and I will bring you guys something…" She says, leading Seth away.

"Smoke?" Summer whispers.

"Definitely," Ryan answers. They sneak outside and light cigarettes. 

"Hey, Ryan. I want to say I'm sorry. I thought…I thought a lot of things about you but I was wrong," Summer says.

"Don't apologize. I didn't like you either," Ryan replies.

"Hey," She smiles, shoving him lightly. "No, really. You've really been there for Marissa, even though she's been like, unattainable for you ," Summer says.

"She's a friend. I don't have too many of those," Ryan replies.

"She's going to be okay," Summer nods.

"Yeah. She's okay," Ryan agrees.

They go back inside and approach her door. Ryan hears his name and Summer grabs his arm when she recognizes Marissa's sobs.

Ryan opens the door. Julie and Jimmy are arguing quietly in the corner, oblivious to Marissa.

Ryan goes to Marissa and she embraces him, desperately. He smoothes her hair, whispering to her.

"Out. Now. Pull yourselves together, outside," Summer orders, shoving Jimmy and Julie from the room.

"Baby, look at me…you're more important than your parents. Ignore them. Everything's okay, okay?" Ryan whispers.

"But…" Marissa chokes.

""Do you trust me?" Ryan asks.

She nods. "Yeah, Ryan…okay…"

"Forget about your parents. Forget about Luke. You need to rest, alright?" Ryan soothes. "Summer and I are right here."

"And you'll stay with me?" She glances at Summer, panicked.

"As long as you let us, honey. You always get tired of me after a couple of hours, though…" Summer says.

"Really? You, Summer?" Ryan jokes.

Marissa smiles at her friends teases as Summer sticks out her tongue at him.

Marissa starts to cry.

"Shh…shh…" Ryan soothes.

"I'm sorry…" Marissa cries.

"It's okay, sweetie," Summer says. "Just rest, you can't fix anything until you get some rest and we can sit down and figure things out…"

She keeps crying but it gets softer. Ryan glances at Summer over Marissa's shoulder with a helpless expression on his face.

Ryan feels her breathing level out and he lowers her to the bed. She is asleep.

"Poor Coop," Summer whispers, brushing hair out of her face.

Jimmy steps into the room

"She's sleeping. She wants us to stay with her," Summer announces quietly.

"It's late. You guys can come back first thing in the morning," Jimmy says.

Marissa opens her eyes, drowsy. "Daddy?"

"I'm right here," He says, going to her side. She holds tight to Ryan's hand so her father can't take it.

"I need Ryan and Summer to stay," Marissa says. "Please."

"Okay," He nods, after a long pause. 

Jimmy glances at Ryan. "Kirsten has some food for you guys out there. I'll stay with her."

Ryan opens his mouth to protest, but Marissa speaks. "It's okay. Just come right back."

"Okay," Summer says, pulling Ryan slowly from the room.

"Ryan?" Kirsten's voice startles him and Summer puts a hand on his arm. 

"It's okay. Let's eat, Ryan, alright? They're worried about you," Summer says. 

"Where are your parents, Summer?" Ryan asks, stopping her.

"Maui? The Mediterranean? Something that starts with an 'm'," She replies.

He links arms with her, impulsively. "Well, I guess we'll have to adopt you for the weekend, too."

She smiles. "Okay, Chino."

"I can't use my nickname for you, Summer," Ryan winks.

Seth gives them a curious look when they enter the waiting room, steadying each other.

Ryan sits down, quiet. Seth takes the seat beside him, holding a bag of takeout. Ryan leans forward, starting to shake. He puts his face in his hands. Seth puts a hand on his shoulder. 

"Ryan, Marissa's going to be fine," Sandy says, surprised at the interaction between the teenagers.

"You haven't seen her," Ryan mumbles.

"Marissa has a lot of things on her mind, Ryan, you can't…" Sandy starts.

Summer stops him with a glance, taking the unoccupied seat beside Ryan. "She's okay, Ryan. She's alive. You saw her. She didn't mean it."

"She's alive, Ryan. That's all that matters," Seth agrees.

"You should eat something if you're going to be staying," Kirsten says, quietly.

Ryan glances up. He wasn't expecting to need to ask permission. "Is it okay for me to stay?"

"Marissa needs her friends around her. Julie left to go to Kaitlyn and Jimmy's a wreck," Sandy says. "But you need to eat something."

Ryan takes the bag from Seth. He takes out a burrito, tears it in half and hands one half to Summer, who accepts it.

"Summer, have you called your parents?" Kirsten asks.

"Yes. They're away on business but I called their public relations guy and explained what happened," Summer replies, seriously.

"Oh. Okay," Kirsten replies.

Ryan puts down his burrito after only a couple of bites. He gets up and slowly makes his way to the hall. Seth follows him to the bathroom.

Ryan goes into a stall and vomits. Seth enters and hears him being sick.

"Ryan? You okay in there?" Seth asks, quietly.

The toilet flushes and Ryan emerges, pale. "I really wasn't hungry." He goes to the sink and washes his face.

"How are you doing?" Seth asks.

"Do I look like I'm losing it?" Ryan asks, looking at himself in the mirror.

"No…" Seth answers, confused.

"'Cause I am." Ryan hesitates. "You know…I try to act like I'm stone. Unbreakable. Rock solid. But I feel like I'm just as shattered as Marissa."

"Marissa just downed a bottle of painkillers and passed out in an alley. You're not that shattered, Ryan."

"I have to pull it together," Ryan nods.

"Damn, Ryan, you lost your mom, everything you had and you're still strong. Don't disappoint my hero image of you," Seth jokes.

Ryan smiles. "Let's go. I need a cup of coffee."

"Lead on," Seth agrees.

Kirsten and Sandy take Jimmy to a hotel. Ryan, Summer and Seth stay beside Marissa. Summer and Seth sleep, exhausted, but Ryan only dozes fitfully, his hand clenched tightly with Marissa's . She cries out whenever he tries to pull away.

Ryan opens his eyes and sees Marissa looking at him.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. You're so tired," She says, sadly.

"I just want you to be okay. I'm fine," He replies.

"I'm better," Marissa whispers.

"Are you? Or are you just humoring us until you can get out and try again?" He asks, quietly.

"Ryan…I didn't mean…I wasn't trying to kill myself," She replies.

"What were you trying to do?" Ryan questions.

"Escape, I guess…I didn't know what I was doing. I was trying to make it stop," She says.

"You scared me," Ryan admits. 

"You're taking care of me. Thank you."

"I wish you could take care of yourself, baby," Ryan brushes a strand of hair out of her face. "You're so special. Beautiful. You're worth so much more than this, Marissa. You shouldn't be here."

"You look so tired…" She sighs.

"I'm not going anywhere, Marissa," He says.

"Thanks," She smiles, closing her eyes.

When Summer wakes up the next day, she nudges Seth awake and puts her finger to her lips. She points to the bed.

Marissa is running her fingers through Ryan's hair, totally focused on his sleeping form. His head is lying on the edge of the bed.

"Morning, guys," Marissa whispers, looking better. She smiles at them.

"You look like you're feeling better," Summer whispers.

"I really am. I don't think Ryan's gotten any sleep. He feels a little hot to me…"

"Did you just say I was hot?" Ryan mumbles. 

"Morning," Marissa smiles.

"What time is it?" Ryan questions.

"Around eight, I think," Summer answers.

"What day is it?" Ryan adds.

"Saturday," Seth answers.

"School starts on Monday," Marissa gasps.

The room is quiet.

"We should have some good stories to tell about our roadtrip," Summer smiles.

"Strippers," Seth agrees.

"Margaritas," Summer adds.

"I saw J.Lo at the club," Ryan joins in.

"Stop it, guys," Marissa says. "You don't have to lie for me."

"I'm trying to improve my reputation, Marissa. Please, give me this," Seth grins.

Marissa laughs despite herself. 

"He's serious," Ryan nods.

The teenagers are laughing when the door swings open and Jimmy and Kirsten walk in.

"You're looking better," Jimmy smiles, going to Marissa's side. "The doctors are going to release you today. You've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow in Newport."

"Ryan? Can you guys go outside for a minute? I want to talk to my dad," Marissa says.

"Okay," Ryan agrees, standing up. Outside, Sandy is waiting with Julie. 

"Thanks for staying with her. How is she?" Julie asks Summer.

"She's better," Summer responds.

Kirsten turns to Ryan. "Did you sleep at all?"

"A little," Ryan replies.

"When they release her, we'll take you guys home," Sandy says.

Jimmy emerges. "She wants to say goodbye to the kids."

Ryan, Summer and Seth say goodbye to Marissa who promises to call them later. 

Kirsten, Sandy and the teenagers go outside to the Range Rover and Sandy's car. 

Ryan breaks away from them, sick. 

"You okay?" Kirsten goes to his side.

"I thought it was just nerves…but I think I'm sick," Ryan admits, slowly slumping to his knees.

"He hasn't eaten or slept," Summer whispers to Seth. Sandy overhears her. 

"Let's get you guys home…" Sandy says. "Ryan, you can ride with me so you can rest."

Ryan stands up, letting Kirsten steady him. "Just lie down," She says, opening the door for him.

Summer and Seth fall asleep on the ride home. Ryan dozes but doesn't rest. 

Ryan stays in bed all day, sleeping fitfully until his fever breaks Sunday morning.

Sunday night, he gets up, feeling better. He gets up to go to the door and finds Summer and Marissa standing outside the pool house.

"Hey."

"Hey. Seth said you were sick," Summer smiles.

"I'm better. How are you?" Ryan asks Marissa.

"Better," She smiles.

"Come in," Ryan says, holding open the door.

"We can't stay. We have school tomorrow."

"Me, too. But it's early," He adds.

"Okay," Summer agrees, following Marissa inside. Seth joins them.

Marissa tells them about her weekly therapy sessions and temporary medication. They all offer their encouragement. Around 9, Kirsten brings out some food for Ryan and is surprised to hear laughter from the pool house.

Ryan and Seth are watching Summer and Marissa fail miserably at PS2. Kirsten sends the girls home and puts her boys to bed.


	2. 2

AN: Some disturbing drug related themes to follow. Read at your own risk. 

*****

The first week of school passes uneventfully. Summer sticks close to Marissa and to everyone except Seth and Ryan, they appear to be acting normally. Holly and Luke's new romance account for their alienation from their usual popular crowd. 

Luke had spotted Marissa and Ryan together a few times in the hallway and started to track Ryan around the school. He would threaten him whenever the chance arose. Ryan doesn't tell anyone, knowing that getting into a fight at school would get him into trouble.

Ryan is walking with his lunch when Luke pins him against the wall. Before he can speak, Ryan has reacted instinctively, pivoting and pinning him instead.

"If you want this to go down, stop fucking around and just tell me where," Ryan whispers.

"This is between you and me, Chino. Meet me by the pier tonight. 9 o'clock." Luke replies.

"And then we'll be done?" Ryan snaps, releasing him.

"You will be," Luke retorts, brushing off. Several people have gathered, including Summer who sees the exchange but doesn't hear their low voices.

Ryan tosses his lunch in the trash and goes outside, walking fast and red with anger.

"Ryan. Ryan!" Summer stops him.

"Hey…" He says, his blue eyes clouded with emotion.

"Sit down. You look like you're about to explode…" She says, sensing his tension. She pulls him against the building in a corner where the stairs on one side hide them.

"It's cool, Summer…" Ryan mutters.

"You and Luke? You can't take him on, Ryan…" She whispers. 

"Yes, I can," Ryan replies. "I was just hoping I wouldn't have to."

"Ryan, what did he say to you?" Summer asks, concerned.

He puts a hand over his face. "It's my problems, Summer. I appreciate your concern but I can handle this."

"You can handle this," She snorts. "You Luke's going to have like 20 guys on you as soon as you get there…and if you say you can handle that then I want to see your superhero card."

"Summer, why do you care?" Ryan asks.

She sighs. "Because you saved Marissa. She needs you. Seth needs you. You're kind of handy to have around," She smiles.

"I'm not going to die if I fight Luke," Ryan remarks.

"No. But you'll get hurt. Marissa will feel guilty, Seth would be pissed because you didn't tell him, the Cohens would be disappointed because you're fighting and everyone would suffer. So why are you going to fight Luke, again?"

"I have to," Ryan replies, quietly.

"Ryan…" Summer groans, exasperated. 

"Summer, you can't tell anyone. Seriously. You're right about everything you just said. Marissa and Seth would be upset…"

"No, Ryan…"

"Please, Summer. Don't say anything. Let me handle it."

"Yes. I'll call you if I can't. Deal?" Ryan asks, holding out his hand.

"You call me anyway. And you owe me," She shakes his hand. 

*****

Ryan leaves work early to meet Luke. He knows that Luke will have backup and he's alone, but he hopes Luke will be a man and fight him alone. He knows that Luke probably won't. He is sure that he can get Luke down and injure him before the others attack.

Around eleven, Marissa notices that Summer is very quiet. "Summer?"

"Have you talked to Ryan or Seth today?" Summer asks, suddenly.

"No, why? Ryan had to work tonight…"

"I need to…I'll be right back." Summer steps outside Marissa's bedroom and dials the Cohens.

"Seth?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen Ryan? Is he there?"

"No, Summer, why? Why are you looking for him?" Seth asks, suspicious.

"Tell him I called," Summer responds, hanging up. She returns to Marissa. 

"What's wrong, Summer?" Marissa demands. 

"I just got a bad feeling…" Summer replies. Her phone rings and she jumps. She puts it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Summer…"

"Are you okay?" Summer demands.

"…Not sure…what time is it?"

"Eleven fifteen," Summer replies.

"Damn…I've been out for like…2 hours…"

"Are you hurt?" Summer asks. 

"…Yeah…"

Marissa is standing beside her. "Who is that?"

Summer covers the phone. "Go get Seth and the Rover. Meet me out front," She tells Marissa. "Now." Marissa bolts.

"Ryan? Where are you?"

He laughs weakly. "At a payphone. I'm standing…just not so well…"

"Should I call an ambulance?"

"No…I…I need a ride…they trashed my bike…"

"Where are you?" Summer asks, walking outside of the Cooper's house. 

"The pier…the payphone by the pier…you told them, didn't you?"

"I should've told them before now. We're coming…"

"Okay…" Ryan starts to cough.

"Hang on, Ryan," Summer says, glancing at Marissa as she climbs into the Rover with Seth behind the wheel.

"I'm okay…" He slurs. The line goes dead.

"Go to the pier," Summer directs.

"Can I ask what's going on?" Seth questions.

"What's wrong with Ryan?" Marissa demands.

"He made me promise not to say anything…he was supposed to meet Luke…"

"Luke? Meet Luke? Why?" Marissa gasps.

"For a fight…" Summer replies.

"What? Why didn't he tell me?" Seth asks, quietly.

"He didn't want you hurt…he promised me that he could handle it…" Summer mutters, guilt ridden.

"I knew Luke was hassling him…I should have asked him about it," Seth sighs.

Marissa nods. "I've seen Luke talking to him a few times, too. I just thought he'd say something."

"I don't Ryan's big on the whole talking thing," Summer mutters.

Seth speeds up. They pull up to the pier about 10 minutes after Ryan's call.

"Hey." Ryan's voice is weak. He is sitting on a bench under a broken street light.

"Oh my God…" Marissa rushes over to him.

His face is bloody and there is a huge gash over his right eye. He is cradling one arm against his chest. His shirt and jeans are torn and bloodstained. Some of his hair is matted against his head with blood. He doesn't react when Marissa touches his face. His blue eyes are glazed.

"Ryan?" Seth calls.

Ryan blinks, looking at him, confused. "I must have a concussion…" He slurs. "Because that looks like my shirt you're wearing."

Seth glances down and sees that he is wearing one of Ryan's shirts.

"Baby, are you alright? Look at me…" Marissa turns his face toward hers.

"Hey, I'm okay…"

"You need a hospital…" Marissa starts.

"No…they took Luke to the hospital. If I go in there looking like this, you know the cops will show…"Ryan mutters.

"You put Luke in the hospital?" Summer asks, surprised.

"Hell yeah…why do you think I look like this? I beat Luke…I just lost to all the other guys…" Ryan mutters, distantly.

"We'll take him to my house. My parents are gone and the help is off this weekend," Summer suggests.

"I've never been to your house," Seth says.

"Shut up, Cohen. Help get stupid here in the car," Summer snaps.

Ryan allows Seth and Marissa to steady him to the Range Rover. Ryan leans his head back immediately, his eyelids drooping.

"Hey buddy, we need you to stay conscious, okay?" Seth says.

"Conscious?" Ryan slurs.

Summer and Marissa get in on both sides of Ryan. "He said he was out for like 2 hours…he just came to…" Summer explains.

"I'm okay…it's like…you guys are underwater…you're all blurry…I don't know what the hell you're talking about…" Ryan mutters.

"Ryan, talk to me, baby," Marissa sees him starting to slump again.

He glances at her. "I'm okay…don't get upset…see?" He uses his good hand and takes her hand. "I'm okay…"

Summer takes advantage of the distraction to pull up the back of Ryan's shirt to assess the damage.

"Those bastards." Summer gasps. His back is bruised already and the tiny rips in his shirt were where glass shards are imbedded in his back. 

Ryan turns around and she releases the shirt. "What?"

"Did you fall through a window? There's glass all in your back…"

"I think I landed on a bottle," Ryan replies.

"We're here," Seth announces, stopping in front of Summer's large estate. 

They help Ryan inside. He stops outside the entrance to the living room.

"What?" Seth asks.

"White carpet…I'm all bloody…kitchen?" Ryan slurs, struggling to stay conscious.

"We've got to wake him up," Summer says, leading them into the kitchen. She disappears as they lean him against the counter.

Ryan falters, his eyes rolling back. "Hey!" Seth catches him, lowering him to a sitting position on the floor.

Summer rushes in, a sliver tray in her hand. Marissa gasps. "Summer, is that your mom's stash?"

"I saw this in a movie once…Cocaine's a narcotic…its good for pain and it should jumpstart his system and keep him conscious…" Summer says, talking fast.

"What? That's stupid!" Seth protests. Ryan's head falls forward. Seth shakes him.

"Yeah?" Ryan murmurs.

"Stay awake," Seth pleads.

"We have to do something, if he falls asleep then he won't wake up!" Marissa says, frustrated. Summer kneels beside Seth, holding the tray.

"What?" Ryan glances at Summer and Seth, confused.

"Bad idea," Seth says again.

"Do you have a better one?" Summer asks, panicked.

"No, but…you can't give him coke," Seth hisses.

"No…no…I can't…I can't do that…" Ryan weakly turns his head away, barely conscious.

"Ryan, just do it…" Marissa pleads.

"Do you know how?" Summer asks, holding out the tray.

"God…yes I know how, that's why I can't…" Ryan murmurs, his eyes rolling back.

Before Seth can protest, Summer tilts Ryan's face toward hers. "Please. It'll help. You owe me, remember?"

Ryan closes his eyes, an unreadable expression flashing on his face. He takes the tray from her. "Don't look at me, Seth." Ryan glances at him with dazed eyes. "Don't look at me."

Seth turns away and Marissa pulls Summer and Seth to their feet.

"This is a bad idea," Seth whispers.

"It'll work," Summer nods.

Ryan sets the tray down and sighs heavily. "Okay. Better." He pushes himself to his feet, his eyes dilated but clear.

"You…you're just okay, now?" Seth asks.

"Yeah," Ryan replies, cradling his arm. "Can I get a shower?"

"Are you capable?" Summer gasps.

"Yeah…" Ryan replies. "If I'm not out in 10 minutes, come check on me." He staggers slightly but recovers.

"I'll show you," Summer offers, taking his arm.

Marissa and Seth glance at each other.

"Did you hear what he said, Marissa?" Seth asks, quietly.

"No…Seth…" Marissa starts.

"He said, he knew how to do coke and that's why he didn't want to…" Seth begins.

"Seth. He'll be okay," Marissa hesitates.

"I hope so," Seth sighs.

Summer opens the door to the bathroom. 

"Thanks," Ryan says.

"You sure you're okay?" Summer asks. "We didn't fuck you up worse, did we?"

"You realize that as soon as this wears off, I'm still going to be almost falling over…and I'll be crashing like a bitch…" Ryan replies,

"Sorry…"

"You panicked. I'm okay. Can you get a first aid kit for me when I get out?"

"Sure. 10 minutes," Summer nods. She takes the first aid kit into the kitchen and waits in silence with Marissa and Seth.

Ryan staggers out, wearing his ruined jeans and carrying his shirt in his hands. 

"Sit down," Marissa pushes a stool out for him. He sits down. His back is still oozing blood.

"Glass…" Marissa realizes, standing behind him and gently touching his back with her fingertips. "You have tweezers, Summer?"

Summer passes her the tweezers. Marissa plucks the glass shards from his back and then neatly bandages the cuts. Seth hands Ryan a glass of water and he accepts it with a shaking hand.

"Your head's still bleeding, Chino…" Summer realizes, gently parting his wet hair.

"I feel like shit…" Ryan mutters.

Seth tilts Ryan's head back and cleans the cut above his eye. Ryan's blue eyes roll back in his head as a tremor runs through him.

"Whoa," Seth gasps. "You okay?"

"I really feel like shit…my shoulder's dislocated," Ryan says.

"How do you know?" Marissa asks.

"I can pop it back in the socket…" Ryan says, his voice starting to slur. "But, I'm running low on consciousness…"

"Hit it again," Summer says, holding out the tray.

"No," Marissa says. "I'm with Seth. It's not a good idea anymore. It's a bad idea."

Ryan shudders again, leaning forward and taking the tray from Summer. "It's too late." He snorts a generous line and then drops the straw back on the tray. He breathes deeply, standing up. 

"Ryan…" Seth says, quietly.

"We are not going to talk about this," Ryan states. He lowers his bad arm. "Seth? Catch me it I fall the fuck down…"

"Ryan, what?" Seth asks.

Ryan slams his shoulder against the doorframe of the kitchen and there is an audible pop. He staggers back and Seth catches him.

"God…much better…" Ryan says, out of breath with pain.

"You are a stupid motherfucker," Marissa gasps. Summer is doing a line of coke.

"You alright?" Seth releases Ryan.

"Yeah…I'm alright now. Summer's idea might not be the brightest plan, but it's working," Ryan says.

"You had a pretty stupid plan today, too. Going up against Luke," Seth replies.

"It had to be done…" Ryan says.

"It didn't solve anything…" Marissa adds.

"He felt my pain for a minute. That was enough. It wasn't…it wasn't about you…it was between me and him," Ryan says.

"You shouldn't have went alone," Seth says.

"Your parents would kick my ass if I got you hurt. I'm okay." Ryan glances at Summer. "You fucked up?"

"Yes. Yes, I am," Summer smiles, giddy.

"Me, too," Ryan laughs. 

"You guys…" Seth starts, worried.

"It's alright," Ryan says. "We're just a little stressed out."

"And we're never talking about this. It's like Tijuana. It's between us," Summer says. "Deal?"

"Deal," Marissa agrees.

"Deal," Seth sighs.

"I'm down," Ryan nods.

"Okay then," Summer says.

"I'll go call my dad…tell him I'll be away a couple of days," Marissa says.

"I better call my parents, too," Seth nods. "Can we crash here?"

"Yeah, my folks won't be back until Thursday," Summer agrees.

"Let's go come up with some excuses," Marissa says, leading Seth into the other room.

"Another hit?" Summer offers.

Ryan smiles. "Girl, if I had met you 2 years ago, I would have loved you." He takes the offered tray. 

"Ooh, do you have some snow in your closet, Ryan?" Summer teases.

"I used to hit it pretty daily. Almost killed me," Ryan replies.

"Yeah, I OD'd last year," Summer confesses. 

"Well then, to a night that we can both forget about tomorrow," Ryan smiles. They each do a line.

"You're really okay?" Summer asks quietly.

"Yeah. Everything's okay," Ryan answers quietly.

"Yeah?" Seth asks, entering.

"We are all cool," Ryan replies. He falters slightly.

"You should lie down," Marissa says, gently pulling him upstairs to Summer's entertaining room.

"I'll get you a t-shirt from my dad's room and some shorts. Anybody else need anything?"

"I'll come with you," Marissa offers, leaving Ryan and Seth alone.

"Seth. I'm sorry."

"You should be. You should've told me."

"I didn't want you to get hurt…"

"You told Summer…"

"Summer found out, I didn't confide in her. She saw Luke and I…talking," Ryan replies. "I was trying to do the right thing…"

"Ryan, will you listen to me for a minute?" Seth asks, quietly. Ryan nods. "Remember how scared you were about Marissa? Well, you almost died tonight, Ryan, and it doesn't seem like you care that much. Sure, I could've gotten hurt, but maybe you wouldn't have gotten hurt as bad if I'd been there. You're important to me, Ryan, to all of us."

"I'm sorry, Seth. I'm used to …to fixing shit on my own. Damn, kid, you're more of a brother to me than Trey ever was and I don't want you in trouble because of me. I thought I could handle it," Ryan sighs.

"We're cool, Ryan. I get it. Don't do it again. And once you're feeling better we get to have a nice family talk about your death wish."

"You're sure we're cool?" Ryan asks, surprised. 

"I think you've been punished enough." Marissa and Summer return. Ryan puts on the t-shirt. Summer pulls out the tray, which is almost empty. She does a small line before scraping the rest of it into a large line and handing it to Ryan. 

"I'm going to miss you," Ryan tells the coke before snorting it. He drops the tray.

"Are you sure you guys should be doing that?" Marissa asks.

"Absolutely not," Summer replies, quietly.

Ryan laughs, strangely. "I haven't done coke in 2 years."

"I've never forced anyone to do coke before," Summer mutters. "You were just…really fucked up…"

"I'm still really fucked up…you guys probably need to wake me up every couple of hours…make sure I'm not dead…" Ryan mutters. 

"Don't talk like that," Marissa scolds.

"Sorry," Ryan says. "Thanks for the rescue, guys…I don't know what I would've done without you."

"That's what we're here for. We should get our paramedic degree," Seth jokes.

"We've just had a rough month," Ryan says, smiling for a beat. He shudders suddenly, shaken with pain.

"Ryan?" Marissa gets up from her seat beside Summer and sits down beside him on the couch. 

"It's okay…I'm okay…" Ryan says, distracted.

Marissa gently makes him lie down, his head resting on a pillow on her lap. "You're okay. Close your eyes. Just for a little while," Marissa soothes. Ryan is trembling. His blue eyes are dark with pain.

"Just rest," Marissa urges. He slowly closes his eyes. His breathing slows and he is asleep.

Ryan wakes up the first 3 times his friends check on him. When Summer tries around 5 am, he doesn't stir. They splash him with water and shake him, but he doesn't wake up.

Around 7, Ryan starts to mumble in his sleep. He starts to thrash and Seth has to help Marissa keep him on the couch.

"No…stop…let her go…stop…" Ryan murmurs. 

"Ryan!" Marissa yells and he snaps awake.

"Damn, man…you were freaking out…" Seth says.

"Bad dream," Ryan mutters.

"You wouldn't wake up," Marissa says, concerned. 

"I was having some crazy dreams…" Ryan mutters, his eyes clouded. He tries to sit up but loses his breath in pain.

"Ryan…" Marissa gasps.

"Help me up," Ryan whispers. Seth gently pulls him upright. Ryan blinks, putting a hand to his head as he tries and focus. "Damn, I've got a headache."

"That's a good sign, right?" Seth jokes. Marissa glares at him.

"I need to walk this off," Ryan sighs, standing up unsteadily.

"I don't think you should be up and about," Marissa says.

"Take a walk with me. I'll get all stiff if I keep lying there," Ryan says.

"It's too early for me to even make that joke," Seth groans. Marissa steadies him and they step outside onto Summer's back patio.

"You look awful, Ryan. I can't believe you did something that stupid…" Marissa sighs.

"I'm sorry I scared you…I didn't know I'd get hurt this bad…"

"But you're okay?"

"I'll be okay tomorrow," Ryan replies. "I'm a little sore today," He admits. He stretches out in the sun, his face tight with pain.

"I'm sure Summer can give you something for the pain…"

"No more drugs. I won't do any more drugs," Ryan says immediately.

"You knew how to do that coke last night…" Marissa mutters.

Ryan opens his mouth to speak but closes it. There is a flash of shame in his eyes.

"I'll be okay," Ryan says, finally.

"I didn't mean to offend you…" Marissa says, seeing that he has closed down.

"I'm not offended. It's just been a long time since I had anybody give me that look…"

"What look?"

"The poor, addict junkie look. I never thought I'd get it from you…" Ryan mutters.

"Hey, that's not what I was thinking…I just meant…" 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Marissa. It's just a touchy subject with me," Ryan replies.

"You want to talk about it?" She asks.

Ryan hesitates. "There was a period in my life when I did a lot of drugs. I got through it. I don't want to go back there. Drinking's the only thing I didn't give up."

"What happened?" She asks, embracing him tenderly.

"Nothing happened. I just woke up one day and realized I was a 'head. I had a hair trigger temper and I was fighting like, twice a day. I was snorting more than I could sell and I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten. I was a cokehead. So I quit. A week after I stopped, I had a buddy overdose and die," Ryan pulls away from her, stricken. "I swore on her grave that I'd never touch it again."

"I'm sorry, Ryan. We forced you to…"

"No, you didn't. I could've said no. I could've stopped after that first hit," Ryan says. "But it's too late." Seth joins them. "I have to move past last night. It's over now and I can't take anything back."

"Summer made breakfast. Well, she made something," Seth says, aware that he's interrupted something.

"I'll go check on her," Marissa says.

"What were you guys talking about?" Seth asks.

"Drugs," Ryan answers honestly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't use drugs, Seth. I can't. I used to have some problems so I don't do them," Ryan sighs.

"Okay," Seth shrugs.

"That's it?" Ryan questions, surprised.

"Yeah. I believe you. You don't do them. If you get shaky, you'll say something."

"Right," Ryan nods, amazed at Seth's acceptance.

"Good. Now let's go eat," Seth nods.

Inside, the mood is light with Summer and Seth's arguing. Marissa won't let Ryan out of her reach, keeping a hand on his arm or shoulder. 

Seth's cell phone rings. He answers it, feigning drowsiness. "Hello?"

"Seth. It's your mother. I want you to tell me the truth. Is Ryan with you?"

"Yeah, we're at the convention…" Seth starts, giving Ryan a confused look.

"Ryan's boss called today, worried about him. He said Ryan left early yesterday and then he found Ryan's bike busted up this morning. There was blood, Seth. Can I talk to Ryan?"

"Hang on, Mom…" Seth says, lowering the phone and covering it. "My mom wants to talk to you. Your boss found your bike and saw some blood and called them…"

"I can't lie to your mom," Ryan hesitates. "She's gonna know when she sees me."

"You guys are busted," Summer murmurs.

Seth returns the phone to his ear. "He's in the shower, Mom…"

"I don't care where you are, Seth. I realize that you have lied to us again but I'm more worried about Ryan right now. Bring him home right now and we'll forget about everything else…" Kirsten says.

"I'll call you back. I have to go." Seth hangs up.

"That was smooth," Marissa jokes.

"We have to go home. My mom's flipping out," Seth sighs. "She says she'll drop all the charges if we come home now."

Ryan is quiet. "Let's take the deal. I'm mostly recovered anyway."

Summer hands him his freshly laundered clothes and he dresses. When he exits the bathroom, he embraces Summer and Marissa before following Seth to the Range Rover.

"How mad do you think your parents are going to be?" Ryan asks as they pull up.

"I don't know. You still look rough. I think I see a doctor in your future," Seth sighs.

"Let's hope not," Ryan replies.

Before Seth can unlock the door, it swings open to reveal Sandy and Kirsten.

"Dear god," Kirsten gasps. Ryan and Seth walk inside, silent.

"Are you alright, Ryan?" Sandy asks, his voice low.

"Yes, sir," Ryan replies quietly.

"Seth. Go upstairs," Kirsten orders.

"But…" Seth protests.

"Go upstairs, Seth. Nobody's in trouble right now. Go upstairs," Sandy says quietly. Seth obeys.

Ryan follows Kirsten into the kitchen. Sandy gently pushes him to a stool.

"Take off your shirt," Kirsten says. Ryan has no expression on his face as he slowly unbuttons his shirt. He removes it and Sandy and Kirsten see the damage.

Ryan sighs. He motions to the dark bruising & swelling around his shoulder. "I dislocated my shoulder but I popped it back in…"

"You popped it back in? Ryan, you needed a doctor…" Kirsten gasps, pale.

"I know how to do it. It used to pop out of the socket all the time. Why pay a doctor when I know how to fix it?" Ryan asks quietly.

Kirsten is standing behind him, gently touching his bruised back with her fingertips.

"I cut my back on a broken bottle," Ryan says quietly.

"Were you fighting?" Sandy asks.

"Yes, sir," Ryan replies.

"What else? Your shoulder, your back, what else?" Kirsten asks. She doesn't wait for him to answer, running her hands through his hair. 

He winces as she finds the gash in his head. There is a large knot.

"Ryan…" Kirsten whispers.

"I was unconscious for a couple of hours. I made Seth wake me up throughout the night," Ryan replies.

"Ryan, why didn't you call an ambulance?" Sandy demands. Kirsten is examining a patch of old scars on Ryan's upper back.

"Here's the story," Ryan sighs, putting his shirt back on and standing up, unsteadily. "Luke's been hassling me at school. I haven't said anything, I haven't punched him back, but…I can only take so much. We met last night, to put an end to it. I didn't tell Seth because I didn't want him in danger."

"So Luke did this to you?" Kirsten asks.

"No. His friends did this to me. I…I hurt Luke pretty bad before they got to me," Ryan replies. "I couldn't go to the hospital because Luke was at the hospital."

"Ryan. I thought you were smarter than this," Kirsten sighs.

"I didn't know what else to do," Ryan admits. "So, yeah. I challenged him. I mean…I'm so tired of walking around expecting to get jumped. I'm not in Chino anymore, I don't want to have to fight every day. I just had to do something."

"You should see a doctor," Sandy says, quietly.

"I'm fine," Ryan replies.

"Ryan, I don't know if you fully comprehend how serious this is," Kirsten states quietly. "You have a head injury. Anytime you lose consciousness there is something wrong."

"I think I'm okay," Ryan responds.

"You're going to a doctor, Ryan," Kirsten states, dialing a phone.

"You have to find other ways to settle your differences," Sandy says, quietly.

"I stay out of his way, Mr. Cohen. I don't provoke him. I barely acknowledge that he's there…" Ryan's eyes flash for a moment. "But some of the things he says…"

"Make you want to hit him. But you can't," Sandy starts.

"I am really trying," Ryan states.

"We realize that. We see how hard you're trying. You're a great kid. But this…this isn't okay," Sandy replies. Ryan nods. 

"Now? Okay. We'll be right there," Kirsten hangs up. "We're taking Ryan to Dr. Clark. He just happens to be in the office today doing paperwork."

"Okay. I'll tell Seth we're leaving," Sandy offers.

Kirsten's voice is gentle. "Ryan? Do you want some aspirin?"

"No thanks. I deserve what I got, right?" Ryan responds. Before Kirsten can answer, Sandy returns. 

*****


	3. 3

AN: Wow. I found this chapter and realized that I hadn't posted it. I have another few pages handwritten and as soon as I move into my new place and sort through my papers, hopefully I can type it in and post it. Maybe some people are still interested in this, I know I have been reinspired. 

At the doctor's office, Dr. Clark gives Sandy several forms to complete as he asks Ryan about his medical history. Dr. Clark is a white-haired man with kind green eyes. 

Kirsten and Sandy are startled by Ryan's honest answers about his family history. They are also surprised to find out that Ryan hasn't seen a doctor outside of the emergency room since he was five years old. 

"Any history of broken bones?"

"Ankle, wrist, collarbone…do ribs count?" Ryan asks.

"Yes," The doctor nods. "Surgery."

Ryan hesitates. "I had a bullet removed from my hip when I was thirteen." He keeps his face blank as Kirsten gasps.

"Allergies?"

"I knew I'd finally get on I could say 'no' to," Ryan sighs relieved. 

Dr. Clark makes Ryan take several x-rays, paying special attention to his chest due to some strange sounds he heard during his physical exam. 

The doctor meets with them all first. 

"Ryan suffered a mild concussion but appears to be fully recovered besides that headache. Some of your cuts need stitches, but they seem to be healing okay so we've used liquid stitches. He has 2 broken ribs and a fractured collarbone."

Ryan sighs heavily, leaning forward.

"Sandy? Kirsten? I need to see you in here," Dr Clark leads them into his office, leaving Ryan alone in the deserted waiting room. 

"Dr. Clark?" Kirsten calls.

"Ryan…it seems like he was abused," Dr. Clark states, quietly.

Sandy glances at Kirsten. "We suspected but…"

"He doesn't talk much," Dr. Clark sighs. "I like that in a kid."

"What kind of abuse, Doctor?" Kirsten asks.

"There are scars from cigar and cigarette burns that have been healed for some time. There are newer scars, slashes in places that the boy couldn't have reached on his own. His x-rays are peppered with healed fractures and scar tissue." Dr. Clark sits down. "The boy looks to be very healthy besides his injuries. It seems like he knows how to take care of himself. His shoulder was dislocated, but he repaired it just as good as a doctor would have."

"What about his head injury?" Kirsten asks, still pale.

"He'll have a headache for a while but he should be fine. I do recommend that you send him to a therapist," Dr. Clark says.

"Why?" Sandy asks, surprised.

"With the history of abuse and his family history of mental illness…I'm worried about his mental stability. He's introverted, unwilling to communicate when he's in pain or in trouble…and he's apathetic. I mean, he's obviously a bright young man, but he doesn't seem to care that he was almost beaten to death yesterday. He's accustomed to being hurt, he thinks he deserves it somehow. It's just a recommendation, the final decision is between you and Ryan."

Kirsten and Sandy nod, understanding. 

"I'm going to write him some prescriptions for painkillers and muscle relaxants. He'll probably suffer through some muscle spasms but hopefully we can stop them before they start. I want you to bring him back in next week for a follow-up. There's not much we can do for his ribs except make sure that he takes it easy and let them heal. Don't let him get into any more fights if you can help it."

"He's grounded. That'll solve that," Sandy sighs. "We'll discuss therapy with him."

"I must say, I think you did that kid a favor. He's been through a lot, just looking at his x-rays…" Dr. Clark says, walking them to the door of his office with a handful of prescriptions.

"Thank you for seeing him, Doctor Clark, we really appreciate it," Kirsten thanks him.

"Tell Seth I said hello," He smiles.

Sandy and Kirsten return to the waiting room and find Ryan asleep in his chair. Kirsten wakes him and they go to the car.

Ryan is silent for most of the ride. Sandy and Kirsten are also quiet and pensive. 

"Can I ask what the doctor told you guys to make you look at me like I'm deformed?" Ryan asks, suddenly, breaking the tension.

"Ryan…" Kirsten hesitates. Sandy pulls the car up to the pharmacy and leaves his wife with Ryan as he goes inside. "The doctor showed us your x-rays."

"Yeah?" Ryan replies. "I've been beat up a few times. So what?"

"Cigarette burns, untreated fractures and broken bones…I don't think you got all those in schoolyard fights, Ryan. It…" Kirsten starts.

"It's over. It was all a long time ago," Ryan replies. "It's been a long time since anyone could hurt me without me hurting them back."

"When you first came to stay with us, Ryan…your face was bruised…" Kirsten says, turning around to face him in the backseat. "Who did that to you? Your mom's boyfriend…"

"Mrs. Cohen, it's not important…" Ryan evades.

"It is important. It's important to me. And Sandy. You're our responsibility now and we don't know anything about you, Ryan. What you've been through, what's happened to you in the past…" Kirsten explains. "Whatever happened to you has made you the person you are today."

Ryan is silent, his blue eyes cold. 

"Ryan. We're worried about you…"

"I'm sorry I got into the fight. I'm sorry that this is upsetting you so much…but I'm fine. I've been fine a long time…" Ryan protests. "I'm the same kid you just took into that doctor's office, I'm sorry that you've changed your opinion of me since you found out that some people were mean to me. I'm not a victim."

Sandy returns. He hands the bag full of prescriptions to Ryan who sinks back into silence. Sandy glances at Kirsten, hoping that she talked to Ryan during his absence but gets a pale shaking of the head from his wife urging him not to speak. 

Back at the house, Sandy and Kirsten don't have a chance to speak to Ryan before he retreats into the pool house.

"Well? Is he okay?" Seth asks, appearing in the kitchen. "You guys look like someone's dying."

"No one's dying…Ryan has some broken ribs and a fractured collarbone. He…he's in the pool house," Sandy replies.

"Can I go talk to him?" Seth asks.

"Go on," Kirsten nods.

Seth rushes down to the pool house. He doesn't see Ryan when he knocks on the door and peers through the window. He opens the door and steps inside, looking for his friend.

"Ryan. What happened?" Seth kneels beside his friend when he finds him sitting in the darkened hallway.

"I just need to be by myself, Seth…I need to pull myself together…" Ryan murmurs, his blue eyes glazed with emotion. 

"Ryan, snap out of it. Look at me, Ry? Come on…" Seth says, getting chilled at his friend's loss of control.

"There's just some things I don't talk about, Seth…ever…I just don't talk about it…I can't…" Ryan mutters, not meeting his worried gaze.

"Chill out, Ryan, okay? Nobody's asking you anything…" Seth replies.

"Go, Seth. Just go…I can't…I can't see anyone right now, okay? I can't…" Ryan pulls himself to his feet and shakily makes his way to the bathroom, locking himself inside.

Seth lets himself out and returns to the main house.

"Seth?" Sandy calls, surprised to see him back.

"I don't know what you said to him, but you definitely fucked him up…" Seth mutters, starting for the stairs.

"Seth. What do you mean?" Kirsten asks, the tone of her voice stopping him cold.

"Just what I said. I saw him hold it together when Marissa was almost dead. I watched him hold it together last night when he was almost dead. I bring him home like you ask so you can help him, and you guys break him down like a little girl. Good job." Seth leaves, angry. He calls Summer's house and fills her in on Ryan's mood. Marissa leaves Summer's immediately to go home so she can come over to try and talk to Ryan.

Ryan undresses, leaving the medications untouched on the sink. He turns the water to hot and steps inside, letting the scalding water distract him from his aching body. He has to wash away his nerves. He has to make himself stone again. He can't let the Cohen's concerned questioning get to him. He has to be strong. He left his old life behind. He has a new life here. 

His skin screams in pain as he lets the hot water run over him. Finally, after several minutes, he steps out and redresses. He stands in front of the mirror. He is still the same. His reddened skin has not scrubbed away the evidence. Ryan Atwood. Failure. Criminal. Delinquent. Junkie. He sees his mother's reflection in his eyes. Impulsively, he punches the mirror, shattering it and slicing his hand. He doesn't feel the pain, only relief at the disappearance of his reflection. His body is tight with tension and a tremor of pain rushes through him, increasing his trembling. He stands up straight. He can get through this. None of this matters. He has to keep going. 

Ryan steps out of the bathroom and finds Kirsten sitting on the couch in the pool house. 

"Hey."

"You okay?" Kirsten asks, quietly.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Did you take your medicine?"

"Yeah," He lies.

"Really?" Kirsten raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah," He repeats. 

"What happened to your hand?" She asks, standing up as she sees blood dripping from his hand.

"Oh. Yeah. I cut it," Ryan answers, quietly, glancing at his forgotten wound. 

He allows Kirsten to examine his hand and bandage it. Exhaustion hits him as he sits on the bed. 

"I'm sorry we upset you, Ryan."

"It's okay. I should have known you'd start to ask questions at some point," Ryan replies. He hesitates. "I haven't taken the medicine."

She looks at him, surprised. "Why not?"

"I don't want to take them," He says, quietly.

"They're to help you with the pain…"

"I can take it," Ryan replies.

"Ryan…"

"I don't like drugs. I…I used to use drugs, Mrs. Cohen. A long time ago. I had a problem and I dealt with it. I don't want to take them," He replies, his voice a whisper.

"Okay, Ryan. The doctor said you might have muscle spasms…"

"I'll be okay. I just…I've got enough on my mind right now and if I start taking those drugs…I don't know if I'll be able to stop again," Ryan admits.

"Okay, Ryan," She replies, grateful for his honesty.

Ryan meets her gaze for the first time since she arrived. "I worked hard to become who I am. I'm not like my mother. I won't be like my father. I'm not like all those cruel bastards that used to fuck me up. I'm not an addict. I've had some rough spots, but I'm still here. I've lost control of…everything…but I can't lose focus." His eyes flash darkly. 

"Focus of what, Ryan? What are you focusing on?" Kirsten asks, quietly, wanting him to keep talking. 

"I keep focused…I have to keep focused on…going on," He mutters, covering his face with his bandaged hand. "I don't want to talk about that stuff you're asking…" A tremor runs through him but he doesn't react visibly even though it shakes the bed. 

"I know you don't, Ryan, but it's a part of you, you know that right? Everything that you've been through made you who you are. And you should deal with it," Kirsten says, gently.

"I have dealt with it. I've been dealing with it for sixteen years. I…" Ryan starts.

"Ryan. I don't think you're dealing with it." Kirsten takes his bandaged hand and holds it up to his face. "Punching a mirror is not dealing with it."

Ryan is quiet. "I know."

"Okay." Kirsten brushes his hair from his face, tenderly. "You have to trust us, okay? Sandy and I, we're not your parents. But we are taking care of you now, as much as you'll let us."

Ryan nods.

"You have to start talking to us. We don't know you. We don't know anything about you that really matters. It's not going to change the way we feel about you, it'll help us understand," Kirsten says.

"Okay," Ryan whispers.

"I know you're trying to adjust and you're getting a lot of stuff thrown at you, but we're not the enemy…"

Ryan meets her gaze. "I don't think you're the enemy. I don't talk about…that stuff with anyone. I never have. It's not something you talk about. You just deal with it. I dealt with it."

"You're going to be dealing with it for the rest of your life. The way those people that hurt you made you feel, that's still in your head," Kirsten says. "And I have to be honest with you, I'm worried about you. You do things without considering your own health. Fighting with Luke, jumping boys with guns…burning down houses…don't you care about yourself?"

"I take care of myself…" Ryan responds, startled.

"But do you care, Ryan? Don't you see how special and important you are? Don't you care whether you live or die?" Kirsten asks, seriously.

Ryan opens his mouth to reply but doesn't speak. 

"You should get some rest. I'll come get you for lunch." Kirsten stands up to leave. 

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cohen, that I can't give you the answers that you want," Ryan says as she stands by the door. 

"I hope you'll at least think about what I've said…" Kirsten sighs.

"I am. I have been. I listen when you talk. I just…I can't give you the answers that you want."

Kirsten pauses. "Ryan. Do you want me to take that medication inside?" 

Ryan thinks for a moment then goes and gets the bag. He gives it to her. "Thanks."

"If you change your mind…if you want to take some of these, I'll monitor what I give you," Kirsten says. 

"That's okay. I'll be fine." Ryan's eyes flicker for a moment but he doesn't add anything. Kirsten leaves him alone. 

Ryan lies down on the bed, exhausted. He changes his mind and gets up, turning off all the lights. He has closed all the blinds except the set over the door when Marissa knocks.

He swings open the door, surprised to see her. She tiptoes past him, taking his arm and turning him to face her. 

She doesn't speak but puts her hand against his face. She searches his eyes, but he turns away, his emotions too close to the surface.

"What happened?" She asks, watching him walk slowly away from her.

"Nothing. Seth called you?"He asks with his back to her.

"Yeah. He said you were bugging out over something…that you sent him away. Are you going to send me away?" Marissa questions, taking several steps and putting her hand on his shoulder to stop his retreat.

"Are you going to ask me a bunch of questions?" Ryan whispers.

"Not if you don't want me to," Marissa replies.

"No. I won't send you away."

"Are you okay?"

"I thought you weren't going to ask me any questions," Ryan replies.

"I lied. Ryan…"

"I'm okay," Ryan replies. "I'm just tired…"

"Seth sounded like you were more than tired…" Marissa says. He walks away from her again, going into the hallway. "Ryan, wait."

"You know what? I can't do this. I can't. I'm sorry. I can't talk any more to anybody. I'm too…fucked up right now…" He says, his voice tight with tension. Marissa watches as he stops in the middle of the hallway and sits down, putting his arms around his knees and shaking.

"Okay. Okay, Ryan. Can I sit with you?" She asks, going to his side.

"I just need to be alone right now," He says, whispering.

"Okay," Marissa says, startled by the change in her friend. She's used to him being stoic and strong, not trembling and unable to have a conversation. She leaves because she doesn't know what else to do. 

Seth goes down to the pool house to let him know that his lunch is ready and finds that he is gone. He searches the entire pool house as well as the main house, but there is no sign of Ryan. 

The Cohens don't call the police this time. Kirsten convinces Sandy to trust Ryan and give him some space. Seth, Marissa and Summer drive around for a while, searching the streets for their friend but they don't find him. It's around eleven when they return to the Cohen's to take a break.

"Where would he go? I just don't understand…"Marissa sighs, sitting down in the kitchen beside Summer.

"Wait a second…" Seth stands up suddenly. "There are lights on out there. Do you think he came back?" Seth rushes from the house and goes to the pool house, swinging open the door.

"Hey," Ryan says, glancing up from the bed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What?" Ryan asks, startled.

"We've been looking for you, for god…hours!" Seth yells. Marissa and Summer join him inside the doorway, relieved.

"Oh. I went for a walk," Ryan replies, quietly.

"For six hours?" Summer asks, sarcastically. 

"No. For a couple of hours. Then I came back and crashed out. I didn't know anyone was looking for me…" Ryan says, honestly as Marissa embraces him.

"You scared the hell out of us, Mom and Dad are freaked…" Seth continues, letting out his frustration in a rush of words. "Mom wouldn't let him call the police and we've been driving around for hours…"

"Seth. Slow down. He's back, that's what's important," Summer interrupts, quieting Seth with a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, guys. I didn't even think…I have to get used to this whole 'asking permission' thing. I just took a walk and came right back," Ryan says, quietly. "I didn't mean to get everybody worried. I'm okay, now."

"Ryan…" Marissa starts, quietly.

"No, listen. I'm okay. I had a little lapse, lost my head for a minute. But I'm back now. All that coke last night and then the day at the doctor, it shook me up a little," He says before she can continue. 

Summer is watching Ryan, carefully. "And you're just okay now."

Ryan shrugs. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"Well, I'm going to go tell my parents that you're not missing anymore," Seth says, throwing his arms up in frustration.

"Yeah, I better go tell my Dad I'm over here. I'll be right back," Marissa says.

Summer approaches Ryan once they are alone. Ryan watches her, cautiously.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? I know where you went, I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in the way your hands aren't shaking. 'Fess up, Ryan. What are you on?" She hisses, leaning over.

"What am I on?" Ryan smiles. He leans closer to her. "I'm not using, Summer. Not coke anyway."

Summer is surprised. She sits down beside him on the bed. "Then…"  
Ryan reaches behind him on the bed and reveals a half-empty bottle of whiskey. 

"But you don't smell…" She protests.

"I learned at an early age how to hide the scent of liquor." Ryan looks at her, concerned. The expression startles Summer, she hasn't seen him have a genuine reaction since she walked in earlier. "You aren't using still, are you?"

"Hell no, last night scared the hell out of me…I just thought…"  
Ryan nods. "I thought about it. I really wanted to."

"Yeah, me, too," Summer agrees.

"But we can't."

"Ever again."

"Exactly."

"And you didn't?" Summer asks.

"I didn't."

"You swear?" Summer whispers. 

Ryan hesitates. 

"Ryan?" Summer gasps, doubting him.

Ryan tilts his head at her. "You really haven't touched it since I left?"

"I already told you…"

"You asked me twice," Ryan replies.

They are both silent. 

"I hooked up," Ryan mutters. "I hitched across town and hooked up."

Summer sighs. "You should have called me. I had to replace my mom's stash and I've already killed it." 

They are silent again.

"Are we friends, Ryan?" Summer whispers.

"Yeah. I think we are," Ryan replies, matching her tone.

"So. You want to relapse with me? Go on a coke binge and throw down like in the old days?" Summer asks.

Ryan smiles.

"Ryan? I'm serious."

"I'm seriously thinking," Ryan replies.

She takes his hand. "Let's make a vow. We'll only do it when we're together. And we'll decide together," Summer says.

Marissa steps inside. 

"Okay. Deal," Ryan agrees, ignoring Marissa's curious expression.

"Everything okay in here?" Marissa asks as Seth enters.

"Yeah." Summer releases Ryan's hand. She stands up. 

"Mom and Dad want you to come talk to them. Then we can all hang out but starting tomorrow, we're grounded," Seth states.

"Damn, can I go to work?" Ryan questions.

"I didn't ask," Seth shrugs, meeting Marissa's worried gaze.

"Okay. I'll go talk to them," Ryan sighs.

"I have to go home soon," Marissa says, uncertain.

"Me, too," Summer adds. "But I can call my butler. He's on duty again."

"I'll be back," Ryan says, standing up. He brushes against Marissa on his way to the door, slightly tilting his head. She follows him outside.

"Hey," He says, closing the door behind him.

"Hey," She responds. He takes her arm and gently pulls her to him.

"Excuse me," He says, pressing his lips against hers. She responds immediately and puts her hand on the back of his head, returning his kiss.

He pulls away, breathless. "It's not a good time for either of us, but that had to be done," He states, taking her hand. He pulls her away from the pool house onto the open area of the Cohen's patio.

She takes his arm with her free hand and embraces him, kissing him again.

"Marissa…wait…" He manages between kisses. She releases him and he steps back.

"You just broke up with Luke. My life's a mess…" He turns away. "But I care about you…a lot…I don't want to lose you…"

"You're not going to lose me, god, Ryan…I trust you more than I trust myself," Marissa breathes, reaching for him.

He takes her hands in his, keeping her at arm's length. "I know…me too…but it's too soon for both of us…"

"Ryan, it doesn't matter…" She says, pulling him to her. She kisses him.

"Yes, it does," He says, trying to pull away. She digs her nails into his skin, keeping his body against hers. He turns his face away but she takes his face in her hands. 

"It doesn't matter…" Marissa whispers, kissing his lips lightly. 

"It matters to me…we should wait," Ryan says. 

"Why? Our feelings aren't going to change…" She protests.

"Ryan." Sandy Cohen's voice breaks them apart. "Kirsten and I need to talk to you. Now."

"Bye," Marissa whispers as he pulls away from her and goes toward Sandy.

Sandy holds the door open for him, letting him inside first. "Sorry to interrupt…"

"There's nothing to interrupt," Ryan responds. He doesn't glance back to see Marissa watching solemnly from outside.


	4. 4

_AN: At long last, an update! Not the handwritten pages, they're sadly lost, but a new, revamped version. I apologize for those of you that wanted to see Ryan and Summer's relapses in detail, we'll skip all that and get straight to the juicies..._

--------------------------------------/----------------------------/------------------------

"God, Summer…"

"Come here, Ryan…sit down…"

"What?"

"Sit down, Ry, come on…"

They were on Summer's roof, smoking cigarettes. Ryan is pacing until he sits down beside Summer. She puts her ear against his chest.

"What?"

"Your heart…it's beating so fast…"

"It's cool…" Ryan sighs. Ryan still wasn't at 100 percent, he has to keep his ribs wrapped and limit his movement.

"No…I don't think so…we've been doing this a week…we have to stop…"

"This is the third day in a row that they've cut school so they could do coke all day.

Seth and Marissa are suspicious and have each expressed worry but Ryan and Summer's lies have been believable enough to deter them so far.

"You're right…" Ryan sighs after a beat.

"Oh my god…" Seth startles them both as he crawls out of the window, followed immediately by Marissa.

"It's not what you think," Summer says.

"Really? Because you still have powder on your nose…" Seth snaps.

"Seth…" Ryan begins.

"Come on, give me another excuse," Seth whispered.

Summer and Ryan glance at each other.

"It's over," Marissa says.

"You're telling my parents…" Seth announces.

"No…" Summer and Ryan say in unison.

"I'm not listening. Either you tell them or we will…" Marissa echoes Seth.

"Don't do this, we can stop, we'll stop…" Summer pleads.

"We don't care, Summer," Seth says seriously. "Come on. You both know that you need help."

"We can do this," Ryan whispers.

"It's out of your hands. Come on. Now." Seth is stern.

---------------/-------------/-------------/-----------/-----------/-

"Seth? Seth, what is it? What's the emergency…" Sandy rushes into the house.

"Dad…" Seth starts. He's standing with Marissa in the kitchen.

"No, Seth. I have to tell him," Ryan says quietly from the den.

"Ryan?" Sandy is even more concerned now. All these kids should be in school And they all look petrified.

Ryan and Summer are sitting on the couch. "We need to talk to you," Summer says.

"Okay…" Sandy walks over and sits down in the chair. Marissa and Seth walk into the other room. They can listen, but aren't intruding.

"Sandy…God…" Ryan whispers, stricken dumb.

"What's wrong?" Sandy urges, trying to quell his panic.

Ryan reaches into his pocket and drops a baggie of cocaine on the table.

Sandy stares at it. He looks at Ryan, then Summer, then back at the table. "What's that?"

"Sandy…"

"Where did you get it?" Sandy asks quietly.

"It's…it's mine."

Sandy takes a deep breath. He has so man y questions and worries and lectures bouncing around in his brain that he has to recover. "Okay. I'm going to take into account that you've come to me…"

"The other night, Sandy, when I was so messed up…" Ryan starts.

"I thought he was going to pass out so I made him do it…" Summer jumps in.

"It's not her fault…"

"He said no but…"

"But I did it. And I didn't stop."

"We didn't stop," Summer whispers.

"Slow down, guys. The other night…" Sandy is clearly trying to put the events in order. "The other night, you did cocaine so you wouldn't pass out?" The idea is so incredulous to him that he can't fathom it.

"He was so messed up, Mr. Cohen, he couldn't hold his eyes open and we didn't know what else to do…" Summer says.

"He needed a hospital…"

"It's not her fault."

"You said no," Summer tells Ryan.

"But I did it and I knew…" Ryan stops himself.

"You knew what, Ryan?" Sandy urges him to continue.

"I've used before. And I stopped," Ryan whispers.

"Okay. Summer?" Sandy looks to her.

"I've stopped before, too."

"Ryan. How long had you been clean?"

"2 years."

"Summer?"

"A year."

Sandy is quiet. "Okay. So you've been using. How much? How long?"

Summer reacts suddenly, shivering as the concept of what is happening catches up to her. Ryan puts an arm around her, sensing her anxiety. They're both jumpy as hell.

"It's over," He whispers.

"I don't know if I can do this again…" She murmurs.

"I'm here to help, Summer…." Sandy says.

"It was a stupid mistake but it's over…" Ryan begins.

"It's not over. Both of you have a problem. You realize that, right?"

"What are you going to do to us?" Summer asks.

"Are your parents still out of town?"

"Yeah…"

"Then first, we're going to get your things. You'll stay here until there's someone for you to go home to…you shouldn't be alone. And then I'm taking both of you to a doctor…"

"A doctor? Come on, Sandy…" Ryan protests.

"Yes, Ryan, a doctor. You had a serious head injury, Ryan, that you treated with cocaine…Does Seth know about this?"

"He made us tell…" Ryan whispers. "Said it had to come from us…he's so pissed…"

"He should be. Come on. Let's get moving…"

-----------------/------------------/-----------------/-----------------/-------------------/

Sandy takes Summer to her house for some things and then to a rehab center where both Ryan and Summer meet with counselors.

Sandy is talking to the counselors after their sessions while Ryan and Summer go to the car. They lean on the car and share a cigarette with shaking hands.

"You okay?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah…"

"But?"

"Sandy's so pissed…I hate the way he's looking at me…"

"He's not looking at you weird, Ryan, I think we scared him…"

"He's disappointed…he thinks I'm just like my mom…this is just the worst thing…I've tried to be a better man, Summer…but I'm not…I'm not better than her…"

"Ryan…"

He inhales deeply off the cigarette as he plucks it from her fingers. "Kirsten's going to hate me…I mean, Seth…Seth's hanging out with a cokehead…"

"Ryan, it's not like that, Seth knows better, Kirsten and Sandy, they know that's not true…"

"Kids. Let's go home. You've got school tomorrow," Sandy says as he approaches. Ryan tosses the cigarette and they get into his car silently.

---------------/---------------/--------------------/-------------------/----------------

Ryan and Summer are sequestered in the kitchen with their books. Seth isn't allowed to see them until tomorrow. Marissa is allowed a five minute phone call, from the both of them.

Ryan is shaking too badly to hold his pencil and the words dance around on the page. Summer is nauseous and her head is pounding. Neither want to tell Sandy that they're suffering from withdrawal. They know that the sickness will get worse, but they deserve it. They don't want to complain to Sandy. They haven't offered any comments to Sandy since the rehab center. Ryan knows that he's getting off easy and he doesn't want to push it. T hey don't want Sandy to be angry at them, so they don't complain.

Summer has her eyes closed and Ryan is massaging her head with one hand, trying to soothe her headache. She has both her hands clasped around Ryan's free hand in her lap. They are both shaking and staying connected makes it harder to tell. Ryan's gaze is unfocused on the book in front of him.

Sandy is watching them from the edge of the kitchen. He's worried. Both of them are pale. The doctors had barely mentioned to him how to deal with their withdrawal, they had focused on long term care, getting the kids into NA or counseling. He's worried about their withdrawal. He knows that they know more about it than he does, they've both confessed to getting clean before but they haven't mentioned anything to him and he's too worried about them to ask. He has no background in dealing with this. He needs his wife.

"What? What's wrong? I just got your messages," Kirsten says, hurrying in. He pulls her into the other room to explain.

"Ryan?" Summer whispers.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not feeling so hot."

Ryan sighs. "You know its coming."

"Yeah. I puked for three days last time…"

"I pulled my stomach muscles," Ryan snorts.

"Think they'll let us drink?" Summer giggles. Alcohol would at least help them get to sleep eventually.

"I'm scared to ask for aspirin," Ryan snorts. A wave of nausea hits him. Summer finds herself steadying him on his stool.

"You okay?"

"I need to find a toilet…or a bush or something…" Ryan admits.

"Lead on," Summer agrees. They slowly make their way to the guest room where Summer is stationed. Summer follows him into the bathroom.

"You might want to look away," Ryan says, falling to his knees beside the toilet. She sits down beside him in the floor.

"Might as well cement the friendship, Chino…nothing says bonding like sharing a puke-fest," She sighs, putting her hand on his back.

Ryan is sick immediately. His body revolts and tries to purge itself, emptying his stomach violently despite its emptiness. The coke had taken their appetite days earlier and neither had eaten in the past three days.

Kirsten is sitting down with Sandy in the den.

"So. He told you. He came to you and told you that he was using cocaine."

"Yes, Kirsten. Him and Summer both. Since the fight with Luke…I don't know what they were thinking, but Summer says that they were scared that he would die if they let him fall asleep so she panicked…and gave him cocaine to keep him alert. And they haven't stopped."

"He told me…when we brought him home from the doctors…that he didn't want to take the drugs because he used to have a problem…"

"You didn't tell me that…"

"I told you he didn't want to take them, I didn't want to betray his trust and he was so…he was so serious…it was like he was scared that he'd get addicted…and you're saying he used cocaine…the same day? Oh, Sandy, it was like…we have to help him…" Kirsten says, stricken.

"We will, I took them to a counselor and I'm taking them again tomorrow…" Sandy starts.

"Are they okay? I mean, are they angry?"

"They haven't said much. They know…they know that they have to stop, they know they need help…"

"What's that?" Kirsten hears the sound of retching.

Sandy rushes to the kitchen and sees that they are gone. Kirsten has followed the sound to the guest room. She pushes open the door slightly and doesn't see them inside. Sandy joins her. They go to the bathroom.

"All right, Summer…just relax…let it pass…" Ryan is saying. Kirsten knocks on the open door and steps inside. Ryan is holding Summer's dark hair out of her way as she is sick.

"Kids…" Sandy starts, stricken by their sick demeanors.

"We'll close the door, I'm sorry…" Ryan says, surprised by their presence.

"What's wrong?" Kirsten asks, concerned. "Why are you both sick?"

Ryan looks up at her with tired eyes. "Because. It's been too long since we had…since we did any…we're going to be sick…"

"What can we do to make this easier?" Kirsten asks. Summer has finally stopped dry heaving but doesn't look up. She buries her head against Ryan's chest, embarrassed by the Cohen's attention.

"Nothing…there's nothing you can do…" Ryan whispers.

"But your ribs…you're going to hurt yourself…" Kirsten says.

"There's no easy way out of this…its okay…" Ryan replies.

"Oh, Ryan…I forgot…" Summer gasps.

"Listen, the doctors, they have to be able to do something…" Sandy says.

"Can you just leave us alone?" Ryan whispers. "For a while?"

"Ryan…" Summer whispers. He puts his arm around her, silencing her.

"No. We made this mess, we have to deal with it," Ryan says seriously.

"We'll be fine in a few hours…" Summer says finally.

"We'll be here. For whatever you need," Kirsten replies. She closes the door, leaving the teenagers alone.

-----------------/-----------------/-----------------/-------------/------------------/

Around midnight, Kirsten gets up to check on them. Summer and Ryan haven't left the guestroom in hours. She knocks gently on the door and when there is no answer, she steps inside. Summer is curled up in the bathroom floor under a blanket. Her head is cradled in Ryan's lap as he sits silently against the wall. He looks at her with glazed eyes.

"She finally fell asleep…" Ryan whispers.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not a good question to ask me right now," Ryan replies.

"How about answering it anyway?"

Ryan closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath. "This sucks…it's worse this time…I mean, it's not worse, it's just…I knew…I knew that this would end badly but I…but I still did it…"

"You made a mistake…"

"A moment of weakness, right?" Ryan smiles sadly.

"You look awful, Ryan."

"Yeah, well, I feel worse."

"What can I do?"

"She needs to drink something. She's probably dehydrated. I haven't seen her eat anything in days," Ryan says, running his fingers through her hair.

"What about you? When's the last time you ate?"

He shrugs. "She's smaller than me…"

"You're still hurt, Ryan," Kirsten responds. "I'll bring you both some juice, okay?"

"It's just going to come back up…" Summer murmurs, not opening her eyes.

"It'll give you something to throw up, then. I want you both to try and drink something…"

"Okay, Kirsten," Ryan concedes. She turns to leave. She can hear Ryan retching after she's gone. She gets several bottles of juice from the kitchen and returns to them.

Summer is upright now and has her hand on Ryan's neck, trying to steady him while he's sick.

"Summer?" Kirsten calls.

"He's so weak…he's passed out, like twice…" Summer says quietly, not releasing her friend.

"Why don't you go lie down, Summer. I'll stay with him," Kirsten offers, seeing how exhausted the girl is.

"He hasn't left me, Mrs. Cohen, I can't just…" Summer protests.

"Go get some rest. Let me know how it is," Ryan says as he takes a shuddering breath.

"Ryan…you have to rest, too…"

"I'm still sick. You haven't thrown up, in like, hours. Go lie down. I'll be right here," Ryan replies.

Kirsten helps Summer to her feet and leads her to the bed.

"If something happens…you'll tell me, won't you?" Summer asks.

"What would happen?" Kirsten asks.

"He's…he's so hurt already and this…this is all my fault…"

"Honey, it's not your fault, I mean, you made some bad decisions but…"

"You don't understand, I made him do it…I thought he was dying and Marissa, she fucking loves him and I made him do the coke…he told us that he didn't want to and…"

"Ryan makes his own decisions, Summer. Both of you did. I'm sorry that you both are in this much pain but…maybe it'll make you think twice next time…"

"I overdosed last year, I almost died…and it was so easy for me to fall right back into this…I pulled him down with me…" Summer whispers, distraught. Kirsten embraces the pale girl and she starts to cry. Kirsten holds her until she falls asleep.


End file.
